I was making haste trusting people again. This will lead to my demise someday.

After a very long time, I finally had a breakthrough. But this was hardly a victory, rather it was just a first step of the recovery process and I had no such energy to celebrate this weak achievement.

I was feeling out of place like rain in the desert.

I wasn't surprised about the fact I find nothing surprising anymore. I was just wondering how long I could keep this going.

I was making an involuntary detour. I had wished that I could bounce back from every mistake I made like this.

My life was feeling like a video game in those days. No matter how many times I was pressing the right buttons, sometimes the boss just wasn’t dying. Except the boss I was dealing with was depression.

My depression was about loneliness about as much as Top Gear was about cars.

In this very period of my life, public holidays were not the days I was looking forward to. And on this particular day, I was caught off guard due to my lack of oversight and planning. I could plan three months ahead but couldn't see the next day. I was the punchline of this cosmic joke.

Once again, I was back, and the sun was already gone, knowing that weak streetlights were there to fulfill its absence, yet not trusting that they would do a good job of it.

Of course the train to home had to have delays. It was universally agreed upon at this point.

The corporate gathering was almost over. The food was good enough to make you forget the small talk, but not good enough to silence the ghosts. I found myself standing among people I could have connected with, while my mind kept drifting back to others who weren’t even in the room.

I made the mistake of booking a very late train back home. I was still relieved, since I made dumber choices in life and this one wouldn't even hit top 50.

I didn't feel authorized to be there. Yet I was on the 45th floor looking at the city landscape with no one around.

I had boarded the largest yet most claustrophobic-feeling elevator.

My favorite burger chain had found me here too. Surely I had to pay them a visit.

I was about 400 kilometers away from my place, and this time I had the opportunity to board an express train. This was surely an upgrade I could not have foreseen 7 months prior.

My expectations of people were so broken that if I were to see those three dots lined up, I would assume the worst message I would ever receive was in the works, which would lead to even worse unfavorable outcomes.

People are easier to read when they are unaware that they are being read.

With a cascade of memories surrounding my mind palace, I was having difficulty keeping up with the corporate gatherings.

It was time to cut myself off from the outside world again. Some might have called it a defense mechanism. Maybe I was defending the world from myself?

I was back home after a 9-hour ride. I was drained and needed to preserve my energy for the weeks to come.

I was on my way back to home and hoping this time it would go smoothly.

I am gonna need a buttload of whiskey to forget about what happened today.

I couldn't leave my phone behind. It had to accompany me at all times. Otherwise, I would be alone with my thoughts. They're the last things I wanna be left alone with.

I smelled something, then I remembered the last three years as a whole. Smell is an incredible anchor for memories. Memories that were not easy to defeat.

I had woken up to a different sun today, but this place was no better. The bad weather apparently had followed me.

As I was arriving at my destination, I noticed my phone battery was depleted, almost dying, competing with my will to live.

I was distracted by messages and had missed my stop. By some dumb luck I found another train that goes to my destination in a matter of seconds at the next station. I simply walked instead of running as if my life depended on it like my previous stops. Gods of rail were with me today.

I had finished three-fourths of my journey. No matter how much farther I went, this sticky, bad mood was not leaving me alone.

I was on the way to somewhere again, yet I was going nowhere in this life. Maybe these tracks would witness my arrival to something better.

The metal piece on which I was resting my head was really cold. So cold, it brought back unpleasant memories. Maybe it was a stretch to think about it. My mind was chasing every opportunity to remember them.

Another sudden burst of spitting rain had robbed me of a post-lunch walk I desperately needed.

One could think we're almost past spring and that we're into summer now. At least back in my hometown that would be the sentiment. The weather begged to differ. This was no summer rain. It was autumn repackaged with all the sorrows it could take.

I had made it to the train today. This miserable day had to start somewhere. I was going to the office so I could fill up a chair, occupy some space, drink some mediocre coffee. Maybe they would help me forget... Things...

I hate the trope where when a major character in a TV show is hospitalized and during the whole episode you keep seeing flashbacks, even old cases come up and you see the characters already dead, alive and well. Living in the past. Hits very close to home.

In this time of my life I had little to complain, yet I was not content. I knew the storm had passed but I couldn't shake myself out of the ruins that it had left behind. My only worry was what to have for dinner that night. I guess I was craving more trouble. Chasing more things to worry about.

I couldn't leave home in the morning; my laziness got the best of me. I was left with my own thoughts and my instruments to suppress them. And somewhere in between, I had some work to do.

I needed some shut-eye despite those previous sleepless nights. I finally had some clarity, which could reward me with some undisturbed sleep time.

The wind was slightly complimentary; it was almost making me forget my sorrow on my way home.

I wasn't ready to go out, yet I did not have anything else to do. Walking out that door was the best achievement I could accomplish today.